


The Shape of My Heart

by thekatthatbarks



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Fluff, Happy Ending, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-16
Updated: 2020-04-16
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:00:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 16,838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23688832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thekatthatbarks/pseuds/thekatthatbarks
Summary: “I think you just have to find a reason to get up in the morning.”Sakura looked up at him at that, meeting his eyes.He smiled, knowing she’d be able to tell even through his mask, and held his palm against her cheek. He felt something untwist inside him when she leaned into it. “Forget about the life purposes, the goals, the far future. Just find a reason to continue living and start with reasons to get up in the morning.”Her smile was sad, and she asked, “Is that what you do?His throat felt thick and he answered, “Yeah.”
Relationships: Haruno Sakura/Hatake Kakashi
Comments: 48
Kudos: 237





	1. Sharp Edges

He hadn’t been looking for her, he’d only been walking home from a mission and felt her chakra nearby. It had been late, and they weren’t in Konoha walls. Kakashi felt his feet carry him towards her without even thinking about it.

He found her looking out over the edge of a cliff and felt his heart stop in his chest. It was almost like she heard it with the way she assured him, “I wasn’t thinking about jumping. I just… like the view, I guess.”

Kakashi felt some of his tension ease and walked over to stand beside her, looking out over the edge to the river below them. She didn’t look his way, her eyes fixed on the trees in the distance. The cool air clung to his mask and he breathed it in. Sakura shifted beside him and he realized she’d slipped out of her sandals. Her toes curled into the ground, chipped purple nail polish disappearing into the grass.

“You ever take your shoes off and walk barefoot, Kakashi? Out here, I mean?” She asked him softly as she leaned back and gazed up at the moon.

“Can’t say I have.” Kakashi’s eyes refused to leave her face, her sad smile and pensive eyes. A jaded green that had seen too much.

She hadn’t even said anything that was cause for concern, but Kakashi felt like something was off with her. He _knew_ Sakura and worry gnawed at the knots of his spine. He recognized the look in her eyes, he’d seen it more than a few times over the years – _both in hers and in a mirror_. He felt guilt clog his throat, knowing he should’ve asked about it a long time ago. But Kakashi had always strayed away from serious conversation and after so much time of being a coward, he didn’t know how to properly navigate them.

“You’ll have to try it sometime.” She let out a breath, then glanced down at her dirty feet. “After it rains, hours later, the ground is still soft and it’s like – I don’t know, but it makes you want to sink into it.”

Kakashi hummed in reply and she finally looked at him. Her eyes glanced over him like a medic before she met his eyes with a warm smile. “Anything you need to tell me after getting back from your mission?”

He shook his head, a small smile on his masked lips. “No, Sakura, I’m fine.”

She nodded and her eyes went back to the view. They were quiet for a moment and then he asked her gently, “Sakura, let me walk you home. It’s late.”

She sighed but nodded and slipped her shoes back on. She was quiet as they walked through the gates and down the streets to her apartment. When they stopped outside her building, she nodded towards it with a raised eyebrow. “Do you want some tea before you go home?”

Normally, Kakashi would’ve declined. It was late. Sakura was a beautiful woman, single and well into her twenties. Kakashi shouldn’t be accepting invitations into her apartment in the middle of the night. But he found it hard to leave her after how he’d found her.

“Sure.”

Sakura’s apartment was almost as small as Kakashi’s and he watched her move around her half kitchen without comment. She didn’t need to ask what tea he preferred and simply made it for him with a splash of milk. She handed it to him with a warm smile and led him to the small living room that was to the side of her bedroom.

She sat too close to him on the couch and Kakashi felt like his nerves were making his hair stand on end more than usual. He decided he could deal with some discomfort for Sakura and placed his mug on her coffee table, not even taking a sip. He turned towards her. “Sakura – “

He hadn’t realized she’d set her own mug down until he reasoned she must have to been able to reach out and hold his face. She slanted her mouth over his a second later. In his surprise, he parted his lips and Sakura pressed harder against him, almost climbing into his lap.

Kakashi found some reason and held it like a chokehold. He grabbed her arms and pulled her back, his heart beating off rhythm in his chest. He met her eyes, hating how he couldn’t read them. “Sakura, stop.”

“Why?”

“Sakura, come on. You’re not acting like yourself. You don’t want this,” Kakashi tried to tell her gently but only succeeded in making her mad.

She ripped away from him with a huff. “How do you know what I want?”

She got up from the couch and stepped towards he didn’t know where to escape and Kakashi caught her arm. “Sakura, you’re worrying me. You don’t seem right.”

She turned towards him and Kakashi felt his heart tear as her eyes glazed over. “I _never_ feel right, Kakashi!”

Tears started to spill from her eyes as she threw her hands in front of her. “It’s like – like I’m just _waiting_ , and I don’t even know for what. It’s like I’m holding my breath, I’m _always_ holding my breath. I’m waiting for something and I don’t know what it is, and I don’t know how to _stop_.” She brought her hands up to her face and then ran her fingers through her hair. “I just want to feel _right_ , Kakashi. I just want to…”

Kakashi reached out for her and she collapsed against him as he brought her down to the floor. She leaned her head on his shoulder and gripped his vest with shaking fingers. “I want to breathe.”

“I know.” Kakashi held her to him, his arms reminding him of how few people he’d held in his life with how foreign she felt.

He understood and the funny thing was, he couldn’t even tell her how. But he felt like he knew the feeling, which didn’t help anyone. He could relate but he couldn’t give her any breath.

Her laugh sounded like a cry and she kept her head where it was as she spoke, “I’m sorry I’m such a mess. I didn’t invite you up here to cry in your arms.”

“I don’t mind.” Kakashi chuckled and tried to get a more genuine laugh out of her. “I mean the tea is probably a little cold by now, but...”

Sakura snorted and hit him lightly in the shoulder. “You know I didn’t invite you up here for _tea_ , Kakashi.”

“I’ve realized that.” His heart hadn’t calmed down in the slightest and he wished he knew what Sakura was thinking, so he didn’t mess this up.

Her voice was so small, despite it being the only sound in the apartment. “Are you… interested at all?”

Kakashi sighed and admitted strained, “Yes, Sakura, I am interested.”

“Then – “

He talked over her question, “But I’m not going to take advantage of you.”

She tsked and he imagined her rolling her eyes out of his line of sight. She didn’t argue though and Kakashi leaned back, gently grabbing her elbow and pulling her up as he stood. “Come on, you need to sleep.”

Sakura let him take her to her bedroom and didn’t push him away as he untied her head band, setting it aside on her dresser. Kakashi still had that nagging feeling tugging him to her and he stood by as she slipped under her covers. She looked up at him questionably and he asked her softly, feeling like he already knew the answer, “Do you want me to stay?”

She simply reached a hand out to him, a light blush dusting her cheeks in the dark room. Kakashi dropped his vest and headband to the floor, before laying down next to her. She gave him an annoyed look when he didn’t get under the covers with her but didn’t comment. She curled up against him all the same and Kakashi lied to himself that it wasn’t selfish when he wrapped an arm around her waist to pull her closer.

When he woke up, he was welcomed with a warm green and a light pink as Sakura blushed. She glanced away from him and then back, a small smile on her lips. “Good morning.”

“Good morning.” Kakashi chuckled, his eyes falling on the tangles of pink against the pillow.

She was quiet for a moment, biting her lip as she decided something. She turned on her back and looked up at the ceiling, her fingers playing with the edge of the blanket. Kakashi moved his arm off her but she reached out and dragged it back to where it was. He smiled under his mask and settled his hand back on her hip.

“Thank you… for last night. I didn’t think I was going to break down like that.” Sakura looked down at her fingers with a sad smile.

Kakashi found himself asking, “How long have you…. held that in?”

Sakura shrugged and glanced out the window as a bird flew by. “A few years, it was easy enough to ignore for a while. I thought it would just pass but it didn’t. It’s been harder this last year, I don’t know why.”

She moved to sit up, taking his hand in hers and playing with his fingers. She let out a breath and opened her mouth again, but he interrupted her softly, “Sakura, you don’t have to tell me.”

She chuckled and looked down at him, a few tears spilling over her cheeks. “Why not? The dam already broke and you’re still here, aren’t you?”

“I am.” Kakashi moved to sit beside her, squeezing her hand. She met his eyes, looking at him helplessly, like all she wanted was just assurance that he’d catch her if she fell. He could give that to her at least. “I’m here, Sakura.”

She nodded and she must’ve not been able to meet his eyes if she was going to open up like this because she looked back down to their hands. Kakashi hadn’t thought too much about it before but Sakura had always been a bit private, not unlike himself. She went out with everyone and had close relationships, but she didn’t open up about herself often – _at least not about things that mattered_.

“It’s just we spent most of our lives always going towards _something_ , some kind of goal. Save Sasuke. Stop the Akatsuki. Win the war. It’s all my life _was_ for so long and I feel like – I don’t even know, like I got attached to having some kind of _purpose_? A reason to move forward?” She looked up at him for a second and then shook her head. Kakashi felt a sharp pain scrape along his chest as her eyes became red with unshed tears. “And now that’s it’s all over, all said and done, I don’t know what to _do_. I don’t know where to go now. I thought the feeling would end after we had some time to deal with the war, but it didn’t.”

She leaned her elbow on her knee and covered her mouth with her hand as her voice started to shake. “And I feel like it’s just _me_. Sure, everyone has some trauma from the war or just from the way we live, but it’s like – I feel _alone_ in this. Naruto’s moving forward to his goal of becoming Hokage. Ino and Shikamaru have moved up, filling their fathers’ positions. I don’t _know_ where I’m _going_.“

She was crying by the end of it, her words hard to make out. Kakashi pulled her towards him by their hands and she hugged him tightly like she knew his own chest was shaking and she was trying to hold him together. She cried against his shoulder and Kakashi carded his fingers through her hair, trying to not catch any of the knots too hard.

She calmed down after a few minutes but didn’t pull away from him and Kakashi moved them to lay back down. He told her with a sigh, feeling his heart clench. “I don’t have any life-altering advice for you.”

Sakura chuckled against his collarbone. “I honestly didn’t expect you to, no offense.”

Kakashi laughed and told her, “I’m sorry. I wish we were less alike.”

“At least you can relate.” Sakura’s voice was warm and Kakashi was relieved they knew each other well enough, that he didn’t have to explain. Kakashi knew the feeling all too well, believing he was tool to be used most of his life. He felt like it was probably why Sakura felt comfortable to open up about it to him. He was the same, constantly moving with no direction.

“I think you just have to find a reason to get up in the morning.”

Sakura looked up at him at that, meeting his eyes.

He smiled, knowing she’d be able to tell even through his mask, and held his palm against her cheek. He felt something untwist inside him when she leaned into it. “Forget about the life purposes, the goals, the far future. Just find a reason to continue living and start with reasons to get up in the morning.”

Her smile was sad, and she asked, “Is that what you do?

His throat felt thick and he answered, “Yeah.”

She nodded and leaned forward to kiss him on the cheek before laying her head back down on his shoulder. “Okay, Kakashi.”

They were quiet for a while and then she added with more strength to her voice, “We’ll get through it together.”

***

She’d given him a week to think about it and then handed him a mission scroll. Being out of the village could offer some perspective, but being on a mission didn’t really give him a lot of time to _think_.

They’d set up camp and were finishing up their excuse for a dinner – some fish Sai had caught in the river nearby. They were only missing Tenzou and while Kakashi missed having him around, he couldn’t expect Tsunade to send them both even if they were in peaceful times, it was overkill – _though Team Kakashi was just overkill in general_.

Naruto stretched out beside him with a yawn and Kakashi felt the words fall from his lips, desperate to have someone else’s opinions and not think.

“Tsunade-sama asked me to be Hokage.”

He felt Sakura’s eyes on him but couldn’t look at her. Naruto had a growing smile beside him with a hand on his shoulder. “Kakashi! That’s awesome!”

“It doesn’t mean he’s going to take it, Naruto.”

It was Sakura’s voice, slightly defensive as she tried to keep Naruto reigned in. Naruto’s smile calmed a bit, but it was still there. “I know, but it’s still cool to be asked.”

Kakashi looked at him and Naruto shrugged. “Either way, I think it says something. Whatever you decide, I’m proud of you.”

Kakashi chuckled, telling him awkwardly but with affection, “Thanks.” He couldn’t think of too many times when someone had said that in recent years. He found more meaning in it than he did in being asked to succeed Tsunade.

Kakashi raised an eyebrow at him when he didn’t say any more. “Not going to tell me to accept?”

Naruto shook his head with his lopsided grin, looking over at the fire. “I wouldn’t want you to do it if you didn’t really want to. Just because it means something to me doesn’t mean it has to you.”

Kakashi nodded, feeling himself smile. _Always the empath._

Naruto stood up and despite having yawned earlier, offered, “I’ll take first watch.”

Kakashi didn’t argue and with a nod, Naruto left their campsite to patrol the area.

Sai got up as well and stepped towards his tent but looked back to Kakashi with a smile that others might thought was fake. “I think you’d be a great leader if you decided to accept.”

“Thanks, Sai.”

He slinked off to his tent and Kakashi finally looked over at Sakura across the fire. Her smile was soft, and she raised an eyebrow. “Were you hoping Naruto would tell you to do it, so you would have a reason to?”

Kakashi chuckled and admitted, “Maybe if he asked, I could do it for him.”

Sakura told him without pause, “I won’t ask you to, either.”

Kakashi knew she wouldn’t and really, he hadn’t wanted either of them to anyway. He didn’t want it to fester any resentment. Sakura moved from her spot to sit next to him, her thigh pressed against his as they leaned against a log.

Her eyes went to watch the flames dance in front of them and she asked, “Why can’t she just ask Naruto? He’s older than his father was.”

Kakashi shook his head. “She thinks he’s still too young and I have to agree. Minato-sensei… we were in a war. It was a different time.”

Sakura sighed but nodded and leaned her head against his shoulder. They didn’t say anything, the forest and the fire cracking the only sounds to fill the air. Kakashi closed his eyes, his voice sounding too loud though he was barely above a whisper, “I don’t want it, Sakura.”

“Then, tell her that.” Her voice was stubborn and Kakashi felt a smile despite himself. He wondered if she knew she had as much fight in her as Naruto did.

“I can’t do that. You know I can’t.”

Sakura moved, her hand on his shoulder as she turned him towards her and met his eyes. She argued, “Yes, you _can_. Jiraiya-sama told them no and –“

“Because we still had _Tsunade_ - _sama_. If she hadn’t agreed, Jiraiya-sama would’ve been wrangled into it. You can’t just say _no_.”

But Sakura remained stubborn, arguing with her fingers sinking into him through his shirt, “Then, we can ask someone else.”

“Who, Sakura?”

She bit her lip and Kakashi sighed, looking away from her helpless gaze. “The only person I can think of is Shikaku and he’s…” A humorless laugh escaped his throat and he looked back to her with a bitter smile. “And isn’t that horrible? To want my friend back just so I don’t have to be the damn Hokage?”

Sakura didn’t say anything but the sigh that fell from her lips and the way she put her arms around him was comforting. Kakashi breathed her in as he held her close, she smelt like the smoke from the fire and he found it oddly grounding.

“So, you’re going to take it?” She asked near his ear.

Kakashi sighed and shrugged. “It won’t be for long and Tsunade-sama needs a break.”

Sakura pulled back with a smile and told him, “I wish you could say no.”

“Me too.” He tried for a smile back and watched her eyes soften.

She leaned forward to kiss him and Kakashi allowed himself to enjoy it for a moment before pulling back and tapping her arm. “Go get some rest before your watch.”

She sighed but nodded and stood up. She jerked her head with a smile that was warmer than the fire next to them. “Sai already said he’d share a tent with Naruto, so come lay with me after your shift.”

Kakashi nodded, his muscles losing some tension. It hadn’t been an outright shift, but Sakura had been sharing a tent with him more often than the others lately. They’d always naturally went where ever there was room, so he didn’t think anyone noticed. Not that he thought they would care very much.

***

“I don’t want you to resent me for asking you.”

Tsunade didn’t look at him as she spoke but he could see the hardness in her eyes, the way her jaw clenched as she looked through the papers in her hands.

He sighed and tried to assure her as he looked back out the window. “I won’t, Tsunade-sama. If… I could do this just so you can get some rest, I will.”

She snorted and told him quietly, still not looking his way. “I wish it wasn’t only a favor to me.”

“We all have our reasons.” He spotted a couple swinging their child between them by their hands in the street below and felt himself smile. “I can’t imagine you were daydreaming about being Hokage when you were a little girl after you beat up perverts at the women’s bath.” 

She chuckled and mumbled, “I definitely wasn’t.”

Kakashi didn’t say anything in reply and then Tsunade cleared her throat, leaning back in her chair. He noticed how she still didn’t turn to face him. It was odd to feel like all her attention was on him when she wasn’t even looking at him.

“Sakura’s resigning from her position at the hospital.”

Kakashi held back his surprise, looking at Tsunade from the corner of his eye. “She is?”

Tsunade nodded and said carefully, “She knows Shizune is wanting to come with me when I go back to my travels and wants to step in as your advisor.”

Kakashi closed his eyes and fought back a sigh. _She didn’t have to do that._ “What did you tell her?”

“I told her I thought she’d be a good fit; she’s worked with me for so long she more than knows her way around the office. But I said it was ultimately _your_ decision since she’d be _your_ advisor after all.” She spun her chair around to look at him with calculating eyes, tapping her pen on her bottom lip. “She seemed awfully sure you’d say yes.”

Kakashi felt himself shrug, putting on an air of nonchalance to lessen his chance of getting thrown through the window he’d just been looking out of. “If she already has experience, then I think she’ll be a good advisor.”

Tsunade hummed, watching him for a moment and then smiled with a shake of her head. “Though she’s good at it, Sakura’s never shown any interest in politics. Though, I guess you’re right, Kakashi; we all have our _reasons_.”

Kakashi couldn’t tell if it was safe enough to show his hand, so he kept his cards close and simply changed the subject.

***

Sakura smiled at him when he came into her office, but then gave him an apologetic look. “Kakashi, I’m happy to see you, but I have so much paperwork to get through and – “

“Yeah, I imagine resigning as head of the hospital has a lot of paperwork to go through.” He raised an eyebrow at her as he walked over to lean against the wall across from her, slipping his hands into his pockets.

The papers in her hands fell to her desk and she sighed. “Tsunade-shishou told you?”

“Why didn’t _you_ tell me, Sakura?”

Sakura bit the inside of her cheek and leaned back in her chair, turning towards him. “I didn’t want you to talk me out of it.”

Kakashi went over to kneel in front of her, taking her hands in his. “Sakura, you don’t have to do this for me.”

She shrugged, a smile on her lips as she looked down at him. “Maybe a change of pace will be good for me.”

Kakashi’s head fell to her knees and he breathed out. He was too weak to say no, and he promised, “It won’t be for long.”

Her fingers combed through his hair. “I don’t mind doing it, Kakashi, or I wouldn’t have already put in my resignation.”

Kakashi hated the selfish thoughts that soothed his mind. _Maybe being Hokage wouldn’t kill him if Sakura is there._

Like she could read his mind, she bent over and told him softly, “Just let me be selfish and take care of you.”

Kakashi chuckled and picked his head up to look at her. He felt his chest tighten at her expression and told her quietly, “Thank you for wanting to.”

She closed the distance between them to press her lips against his and Kakashi tugged his mask down in between kisses. Her hands were holding his face and when he broke away, she didn’t open her eyes. His heart felt like it was in his throat when he told her, “You can look, Sakura.”

She hesitantly opened her eyes and they roamed over his face. He felt oddly shy as he leaned into the palm of her hand, smiling as her thumb traced his lips and the bottom of his scar. She ran her finger along the tan line from his mask with a barely hidden giggle and he couldn’t help but lean forward to kiss her again.

***

“Do you hate the robes that much?”

Kakashi looked over at Sakura sitting at a desk too far away. She was giving him a knowing look. “You know sometimes you look like you just walked in here and decided to take over.”

Kakashi chuckled and admitted in the safety of their quiet office, “I hate them as much as I hate everyone attaching _sama_ to my name.”

“Tsunade-shishou didn’t like wearing them either.” She glanced down at the papers she was shuffling through.

“Yeah, but she had this whole air that told you she was in charge.” Kakashi stamped his seal across another paper and moved on to the next.

“You do, too.” Sakura snorted. “When you try.”

He shot her a smirk. “Oh, are you talking about my smoldering gaze that you find so sexy?”

It made her laugh and she looked at him with a smile that reached her eyes. “That is _not_ how I described it.”

He chuckled and read through another paper. She was quiet for a while and then told him softly, “Maybe we can do something else instead of robes?”

He glanced at her curiously. “Like what?”

She shrugged with a small smile. Though she clearly had an idea, all she told him was “Oh, we’ll have to think about it.”

A week later and he’d forgotten the conversation. Then, Sakura came into the office after running an errand and handed him a box, a light pink dusting her cheeks. He raised an eyebrow at her, but she only gestured for him to open it, biting that lovely bottom lip of hers.

Kakashi did and pulled out a dark flak jacket with _Rokudaime_ embroidered in the back in a dark red thread. He felt himself smile, his eyes softening as he looked at it.

_It was perfect._

Sakura had an eager smile on her face as she leaned over the desk towards him. “Do you like it?”

In lieu of an answer he grabbed the front of her shirt and pulled her down to him, tugging his mask down with one swift movement. He kissed her even as she teased, “It’s awfully inappropriate to be kissing your advisor, _Rokudaime-sama_.”

He laughed and let her go. “I don’t think I’ve ever been appropriate, Sakura.”

***

Kakashi and Sakura had been walking down the street in search of something for dinner when they spotted him.

Sakura laughed happily and threw her arms around him before he could barely register her. “Sasuke!”

Sasuke hugged her back and looked over at Kakashi, a small smile on his face. “I was just about to come see you two.”

Sakura pulled back from him and then poked him in the shoulder. “Why didn’t you send a letter that you were visiting?”

He shrugged. “I happened to be nearby; it wasn’t really planned.” His smile widened slightly, and it felt mostly amused as he met Kakashi’s eyes. “I had to see our new _Rokudaime_ in action.”

Kakashi chuckled. “I missed you _so_ much at the inauguration ceremony, Sasuke-kun.”

Sasuke rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I’m sure you wished you could’ve missed it yourself, Kakashi.”

Kakashi shrugged, not denying it and Sakura told him, “We were just about to go to dinner. Come join us?”

Sasuke nodded and fell into step beside them. “Where’s Naruto?”

Sakura’s face fell and she hit him on the shoulder. “See, this is why you need to let us know you’re coming. He’s out on a mission.” She pouted and looked up ahead of them. “He’s gonna be sad he missed you.”

“When is he due back?”

“A week,” Kakashi answered, thinking Naruto would probably make it even before then. But you never knew.

Sasuke nodded and said, “I’ll wait for him to come back.”

Sakura smiled relieved and Kakashi told him, “You can stay at my apartment if you don’t want to be alone at Naruto’s.” They’d offered years ago to up keep an apartment for him for whenever he came back, but he declined, preferring to just stay with one of them. Kakashi thought it was just because Sasuke didn’t feel comfortable sleeping alone in Konoha anymore. He couldn’t say he didn’t understand.

Sasuke sent him a thankful smile as they slipped into a restaurant. “I’ll take you up on that.”

They made idle chat throughout dinner, Sasuke telling them whatever stories he thought was entertaining enough to share. Kakashi was tired from the long day but tried to pay attention. Sakura must’ve felt it, slowing the conversation naturally and calling the waitress over for a check. He reached down to the hand that she’d had on his thigh the whole night and squeezed it in thanks. She leaned into him as she continued catching Sasuke up on gossip while they waited; he probably didn’t care much for the people involved but Sakura’s stories were never dull.

Kakashi and Sasuke walked her home afterwards, Sakura giving him a quick kiss on the cheek out of Sasuke’s line of sight when she hugged him. Then, she hugged Sasuke goodnight and they went on their way.

Sasuke argued with him about it – _like he always did whenever he stayed at Kakashi’s_ – but Kakashi eventually convinced him to take his bed. The man couldn’t possibly get to sleep comfortably very often and Kakashi didn’t mind sleeping on a futon for a few nights. Sasuke helped him set up the makeshift bed and asked, “So, who the hell managed to talk you into being Hokage?”

Kakashi shrugged, thinking about how to answer as he set on the edge of the fresh sheets. “No one, really. Tsunade-sama asked and… I couldn’t really say no.”

“Still the loyal dog, Kakashi?” Sasuke asked him with a cocked eyebrow, but it didn’t have any bite to it like it might’ve when he was younger.

Kakashi chuckled. “No, it felt more like a personal favor in the end. There wasn’t anyone else to ask and I’ve a feeling she would’ve stayed on until Naruto was ready if I’d said no.”

Sasuke nodded and sat next to him on the futon, massaging his ankle. “When are you going to make our lovable idiot Hokage, anyway?” He glanced at him with a secretive smile. “I won’t tell.”

Kakashi leaned back on his hands and looked up at the ceiling. “A couple years probably. I think it’d be nice if he got to live his twenties a bit more before taking it on since he’ll probably hold it for a lot longer than I ever will.”

“I’ll probably have to actually make that inauguration ceremony.”

“I don’t think he’d let you live it down if you didn’t.”

Sasuke snorted. “Probably not.”

***

Sasuke asked him a few nights later when they were cooking dinner at his apartment, Sakura taking some time to hang out with Ino for a night. Kakashi had been moving rice around in a pan as Sasuke cut up vegetables beside him. 

“You know, I hadn’t expected Sakura to be your advisor.”

Kakashi kept his eyes on the pan in front of him and told him a half-lie, “She told me she wanted a change of pace, but I think she just wanted to help me out.”

Sasuke hummed and then asked in the same casual tone, “Are you sleeping together?”

Kakashi looked over at him in surprise, receiving a smirk and raised eyebrow in return.

They hadn’t slept together in the way Sasuke meant but Kakashi didn’t think it mattered in the grand scheme of the question.

He cleared his throat and turned back to the pan. “Would it bother you if I said yes?”

“No.” Sasuke snorted, going back to chopping vegetables. “I only care if you’re both happy.” He glanced at Kakashi and asked awkwardly, “Were you… worried it would bother me?”

Kakashi shrugged and said noncommittally, “I don’t know.”

Sasuke reached into a cabinet for something. “You know Sakura and I tried dating a long time ago and it didn’t work out. There’s not any residual feelings left from either of us.”

“I know, Sasuke.” Other reasons were more what he had been thinking about, but Kakashi didn’t feel like getting into it tonight. He asked him, “How’d you know, anyway?” He and Sakura were always careful in public. Outside of a few lingering touches and hidden kisses, they weren’t obvious.

“The way you look at each other.” Kakashi glanced at him and Sasuke shrugged, handing him the board full of vegetable to add to the rice. “It’s different.”

Kakashi hummed and before he could wonder, Sasuke told him, “I won’t ask why you’re hiding it since I’m sure you have your reasons and it’s not really any of my business anyway. But I think I could only tell because I don’t see you every day. To anyone else they probably don’t notice because it happened gradually. But to me, it’s clearly different than how it was a year ago when I last saw both of you together.”

Kakashi sighed and offered quietly, “I think we just like keeping it for ourselves.”

Sasuke nodded and didn’t pry further. But that night in his kitchen with his ex-student felt like some kind of turning point.

***

Once Naruto came home, Sasuke spent his last couple of days with him.

Kakashi was back at Sakura’s apartment, feeling like he was finally home, having spent the most time at his apartment in the past week than he had in the last six months.

Sakura smiled when she pulled him in across the threshold. “Sasuke going to stay with Naruto now?”

Kakashi nodded and Sakura tugged down his mask, leaning up for a kiss that he gave easily. She pulled him towards her couch, slotting herself into his lap like she had a hundred times before. He kissed her softly, loving the way he could feel her smile against his lips.

He ended up with her laying on top of him, his back to the couch cushions as he held her. She was drawing lazy shapes into his shirt as mindlessly ran his fingers through her hair. She asked him after a while, “Do you think he’s healing? Out there, travelling with no destination in mind?”

Kakashi sighed. “I don’t know, Sakura. I think the only thing he’s sure of is that he can’t heal here.”

Sakura nodded and it felt like the end of the conversation, but he felt something biting him. He grabbed her arms and shifted her to where her face was above his. She looked at him in question and he brought a hand up to cup her cheek. His chest felt like something heavy was sitting on top of it and he knew it wasn’t the weight of the woman laying on him.

He told her in a quiet voice, “You’re not allowed to run off and find yourself, Sakura.”

A part of him thought she’d bristle at being told what she could and couldn’t do, but her expression only softened. She turned her face in his hand to kiss his palm. “I’m not going anywhere, Kakashi.”

Kakashi felt the weight slip in between the spaces of his ribs as she leaned down to kiss him.

“I’m myself here – right here, right now, on this couch with you.”

***

Kakashi leaned against the counter as he reworked the words over in his head. Sakura moved around him, getting something ready to make for dinner or maybe she was baking? He couldn’t remember, feeling like he wasn’t even there with her, far too distracted by his thoughts. His tongue felt heavy, but he forced the words out anyway, “Sakura, I think we should stop this.”

Sakura paused in her step, having been reaching for the refrigerator handle. She looked over at him with a raised eyebrow. She clearly knew what he meant if her muscles tensing was any kind of indication, but she still asked, “Stop what?”

Kakashi sighed and looked away from her. He couldn’t even put a word to it and said, “You know what, Sakura.”

Sakura leaned against the opposite counter, crossing her arms over her chest. She waved a hand before tucking it back into her elbow. “Why, Kakashi?”

Reasons piled in his mind, but he couldn’t pick a single one to say or even attempt to lay out a list of them on her table. He shook his head, his hands going to his pockets as he clenched them into fists. He knew he was being unfair, making a mess of words in her small kitchen without any plan. _But they had to stop this._

Sakura huffed and walked over to him. She met his eyes, angling her head as he tried to avoid the fire of emotions there. “No, you don’t get to _not_ answer. If you want to break up with me, then you’re going to have to tell me why, Kakashi.”

“Break up with you?” Kakashi felt a humorless laugh in his chest and it burned on its way up to his mouth. He cocked an eyebrow at her. “Sakura, what is there even to break up? We don’t – “

“Kakashi, we have been in a relationship for almost a year now! And don’t try and tell me you don’t know that.” Sakura’s voice rose, cutting him off. “What? You think because you don’t show up to my house with flowers and chocolates that we’re not dating? Because we don’t drop in and see my parents? Because we don’t go on double dates with Ino? You think _any_ of that matters? We are together _all_ the time. We eat together, we sleep together, you spend more time in my apartment than you do your own!”

Kakashi sighed and brought a hand out of his pocket to run his fingers through his hair, stepping away from her to the other side of the small kitchen. He couldn’t deny any of it, his thoughts turning into knots as they ran over each other. He couldn’t focus on any of them besides one. “We need to stop this before – “

“Before what, Kakashi? Before it gets too serious for you?” Her voice rang out, bouncing off the tile.

“Sakura, you don’t want to do this with me,” Kakashi repeated the words he’d told her months ago, something he should’ve reminded her before now. His voice was pleading as he felt his breath rattle in his chest.

“ _I_ get to decide what I want to do, Kakashi.” She was in front of him again, though let him have some space. There were tears in her voice and Kakashi felt the guilt rip at him as he refused to look at her. He knew he’d break if he met her eyes.

“We don’t even tell anyone about it.” He felt like that said something, but he didn’t know how to put it into words.

“We can tell people about it. We can tell our friends. We can tell the whole damn village. I don’t _care_.” She was closer, her steps carefully planned out. Her voice was softer as she added, “Kakashi, I’m not ashamed of you or anything. I know how private you are and I – “

“You shouldn’t have to put up with that, Sakura.” Kakashi finally looked up at her, his gut twisting painfully at the tears on her cheeks. Her eyes were hard, though, determined to not let him slip from her grasp. It was both reassuring and damning. “You shouldn’t have to walk around eggshells with me.”

“I don’t. I _know_ you, Kakashi. I’ve never considered any part of you _eggshells_. I know you won’t break if I step wrong. Because you also know _me_ , and you know I wouldn’t ever hurt you on purpose. We understand each other and we _work_.”

Kakashi felt like he was losing ground, too selfish to even walk out of the kitchen, let alone her life.

Her hands had snuck into his, he hadn’t even realized she’d pulled the other one out of his pocket. “Kakashi, I know you’re scared – “

“Don’t tell me I’m scared, Sakura. I – “

“Don’t lie to me.” Sakura glared at him, but he could still feel the warmth there. Her fingers were tight around his, strong grips to hold him to her. “I _know_ this scares you. But I’m not going anywhere. I’m not going to leave you. I’m not going to wake up one day and decide I want out. Not unless you tell me that you don’t want me anymore.”

He couldn’t do that and felt his head fall forward to lean against hers, closing his eyes. His voice felt strained as he pleaded, “Sakura, I’m not _good_ for you.”

Her hands came up to hold his face, gently pulling down his mask. “I think you’re plenty good.”

“You deserve someone – “

“Forget about it, Kakashi. Forget about whatever you keep telling yourself about not deserving me. I don’t care what either of us deserve.” Her thumb stroked along his cheek bone, over the edge of his scar. She leaned closer and softened her voice. “Kakashi, I’m not a perfect person. I’m not an angel in this relationship. There are times I’m not good for you, when I push too far, when I don’t tell you what’s wrong with me. You need to stop acting like we’re on such different levels.” She brushed her lips over his in light kiss. “I know sometimes I’m not the best person to be with. But it’s not always good times, you know? We just work through it. Because we _want_ this and don’t ever want to stop.”

Kakashi sighed and dropped his head to her shoulder, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her closer. He felt himself breathe out as she combed her fingers through his hair, the words spilling from his lips without his permission, “I love you.”

Sakura laughed with warmth, leaning her head against his. “It is so _you_ to fall in love with someone and then try to break up with them.”

Kakashi chuckled, still holding her close. “I’m sorry, Sakura”

She kissed the words into his hair, her voice as loud as it was soft. “I love you, Kakashi.”

***

They stopped hiding it. Sakura was always touching him somehow when they walked; her hand in his, an arm wrapped around his, her hand tucked into his elbow. Kakashi would randomly press kisses into her skin, on her cheek or her temple.

Their friends adjusted to it easily with few comments thrown their way. Outside of Naruto teasing them every now and then, not much changed. They left outings with their friends together and no one batted an eye.

Kakashi supposed Sasuke had been right and that it had happened so gradually, nothing really changed for the people around them.


	2. Soft Curves

Kakashi had seen the pattern enough to recognize it for what it was and tried to stop it in its tracks.

“Sakura, you need to slow down.”

Sakura glanced at him with a smile from her desk. “I’m fine, Kakashi.”

Kakashi fought back a sigh as he looked at her. “Are you still going to drop by the hospital after we leave?”

She nodded, keeping her eyes on the papers in front of her. “I like to check in with them. When the new director stops having questions for me, I’ll stop going.”

Kakashi felt like giving the new director a piece of his mind for the dozenth time. He had a growing feeling that they didn’t turn her away because they liked having her around. While, he could wholeheartedly relate, Sakura stretched herself too thin sometimes. Last time, she’d even got dragged into a surgery he knew someone who _worked_ there could have handled by themselves.

“Maybe you should go next week instead. You seem tired.”

“I’m fine, Kakashi,” she repeated with a shake of her head and Kakashi knew he’d waited too long to say anything.

It was a little manipulative, but he knew she would come home earlier if he said it. “I’ll wait up for you.”

She hesitated before saying, “You don’t have to.”

“I don’t mind. I’ll have something for you to eat whenever you get home.”

When Sakura came home – to _her_ _apartment_ , he needed to stop calling it that – Kakashi had been reading on the couch and he listened as her footsteps went into the kitchen. She shuffled around for a moment before coming to the living room with her plate in hand. Kakashi moved to sit up and she leaned into him as she ate.

She was quiet for a while and then told him, “I’m sorry, Kakashi. I know I keep doing this. I just – I can’t help it. Being busy helps me feel better.”

Kakashi wrapped an arm around her and she laid her plate on the coffee table before cuddling into his side. “I know but you always wear yourself out and then you don’t have any more energy.”

Sakura sighed and turned her face into his chest. “I know.”

Kakashi sat up more and moved his arm under her legs before lifting her into his arms and standing up from the couch. Sakura didn’t complain and let him carry her to the bedroom. She curled up against his chest once they were under the covers and Kakashi held her close. She mumbled into the dark, “I’ll try to slow down, Kakashi.”

He rubbed a hand up and down her back. “Don’t do it for my sake, Sakura.”

“I won’t.”

***

Kakashi shoved the desk away from him as he got up from his chair and went to the window behind him. He ran his fingers through his hair as he tried to even out his breathing. He could feel Sakura’s eyes on him, but she gave him a few moments to himself.

He _hated_ this. It was over a year now and he still _hated_ being Hokage. He didn’t go out on any missions. He sat there and assigned missions to shinobi, sometimes not knowing if they would even make it back. He felt like he sent people out to die while he sat here and did _paperwork_. All the politics was ridiculous and had more emotions than he ever expected to deal with. Most of the time, political visits were pointless, having no real meaning except to show some comradery which Kakashi wished could just go without saying. It was ludicrous and he wasn’t cut out for any of it. He thought being a general was hard enough, but it was easier than this.

He heard the soft click of the door and didn’t have to turn around to know it had been Sakura slipping out. His mind felt too scattered to wonder where she’d went and he stayed by the window, looking out over the streets. Sometimes it was calming, a reminder that he was a _leader_ of a people and he needed to get his shit together. That people depended on him and he needed to grind his teeth and bear with it so he could be something they could be proud of. He didn’t think he ever could be, despite what people who loved him like Naruto and Sakura tried to tell him.

Sakura was back moments later, going to her desk and closing folders. Kakashi didn’t look her way as she moved on to his desk and tidied up there, pulling it back into place without comment. She came over to him and her strong grip on his arm grounded him. He let out a breath and looked down at her almost desperately, though he didn’t even know what he wanted to ask from her.

It didn’t matter, though, because she already knew. She tugged on him with a smile. “Come on. I cancelled all your appointments for the afternoon and booked Training Ground 6. You need a spar.”

Kakashi nodded and with a hand tucked into his elbow, Sakura led him out of the Tower.

The woman he loved was pressing a blade against his throat as her legs pinned him down painfully and Kakashi had never felt more like he could breathe.

The blade was gone a second later and a smile sharper than the kunai was aimed at him as she panted, “I win.”

Sakura moved to a less painful position and Kakashi pulled her down to him as his chest shook. “I don’t think you’ve _really_ won until the ANBU get worried enough to step in.”

Sakura laughed and snaked a hand under his shirt to heal the ribs she broke earlier. “I’ve a feeling they don’t think I’ll kill you, Kakashi.”

Kakashi let out a gasp as his ribs healed and Sakura pulled back to look at him apologetically. “Anything else?”

He shook his head and she collapsed against him; a tired kiss pressed to his neck before she buried her face there. They were sweaty and hot, but Kakashi still wrapped his arms around her to pull her even closer. She asked him with a tired sigh, “Feel better?”

He chuckled and leaned his head against hers, looking up at the clouds above them. It looked like it might rain. “I know it gets to you, too.”

Sakura shrugged against him. “I don’t think it’s as bad.”

“Either way, you can always drag me out here and break a few bones.”

She laughed. “Such a gentleman.”

Kakashi turned his head to kiss her cheek. Sakura picked her head up to kiss him on the mouth, not bothering to pull his mask down. He kissed her for a moment and then told her against her lips, “Thank you for always knowing what I need.”

She chuckled, smiling warmly down at him. “I don’t think I always know but I try to.”

“I love you,” he told her softly and leaned up to kiss the smile on her lips.

***

Kakashi woke up a second after she bolted up right in their bed. He barely had time to make out her pink hair before she threw herself at him. Kakashi caught her as her fingers dug into his skin. She was crying, her breath catching in her throat. Kakashi held her tightly to him, rubbing a hand up and down her back. He tried to calm her down if only to get her breathing under control before she slipped into a panic attack. “Hey, hey, it’s okay, Sakura. I’m here. I got you.”

He sat up and she went to his lap, clinging to him with her face pressed against his neck. He kissed her shoulder. “You’re alright, Sakura.”

She nodded against him and he continued to shush her in what he hoped was a soothing voice. It took her more than a few minutes, but she eventually calmed down. Her voice was shaky, and she swallowed audibly before telling him, “I’m not going back to sleep.”

He could understand that entirely and gently grabbed her face to kiss her on the lips. “I’ll make you some coffee.”

She didn’t argue and moved out of his lap. Kakashi got up from the bed and slipped on some pants from the floor before going to the kitchen. He watched the coffee pot stir to life as Sakura padded into the kitchen. She kissed his shoulder before hoping on to the counter beside him, her hair a mess and dressed in his shirt and boxers. She quietly watched him pour coffee into her favorite mug with a splash of creamer and two sugars. She took a drink when he gave it to her, a soft sigh falling from her lips as she gave him a tired smile.

She reached out to pull him towards her by the waist of his pants. Kakashi went willingly and looked down at her warmly, standing in between her legs as she laced their fingers together. After a moment, she looked down at her coffee. “You’re not going to ask?”

He shook his head. “No, Sakura.”

She nodded and took another sip. He asked her, already knowing the answer, “Do you _want_ to talk about it?” 

She instantly shook her head and Kakashi kissed her forehead. “I won’t ask you to.” 

Sakura leaned her head against his shoulder and mumbled with a sigh, “I love you.”

Kakashi brought his hand up to thread his fingers through her hair, gently raking out the knots. “I love you, too.”

She leaned back after a couple of minutes, drinking from her coffee and glancing at the clock. She sighed and told him with a small smile, “You don’t have to stay up with me, Kakashi. It’s barely three in the morning. Go back to bed.”

Kakashi shrugged. “I wasn’t sleeping well anyway.”

Sakura smiled and didn’t comment on the obvious lie.

Sakura was clearly on edge the rest of the week and Kakashi noticed how she _subtly_ attached herself to his hip. They normally spent a lot of time together, so it wasn’t that out of the ordinary, but it felt like it pained Sakura to leave his side now. She trailed along to meetings she normally sat out of. She took rainchecks whenever Ino or Naruto invited her out.

Kakashi didn’t comment on it though, able to guess why. Especially when she asked him a few days later as they were leaving the Hokage Tower, “Were you going to stay the night tonight?”

He didn’t tell her he hadn’t slept in his own apartment in months, his bed probably coated in dust by now. He reached down to wrap an arm around her waist and pulled her closer. He assured her softly, “Yeah, Sakura, if you’ll have me.”

She smiled and leaned into him. “I’ll always have you.”

He held her tighter that night in a hope that it would help. He’d never felt more loved than with how she sought out comfort from him. This goddess of a woman, powerful in every right, finding safety in his arms made his chest feel too tight. He didn’t know how he’d gotten her in his hold but he never wanted to let go.


	3. Scars

“This is like the trashiest romance I’ve ever read.”

“It’s a classic, Sakura. Watch your mouth.”

She snorted and snuggled more into him. Kakashi hid a smile in her hair, his eyes on the pages in her hands. She had decided it would be fun to tease him and climbed into his lap on the couch to read Icha Icha together. Kakashi knew it by heart and didn’t really need to read along with her but he liked to watch her reactions. Her commentary was endless.

“I swear if he doesn’t tell her anything…”

Kakashi fought back a laugh. Despite her teasing, Sakura was clearly invested in the story. He leaned his head against hers and watched her read.

He’d gotten distracted by his thoughts and lost the spot in the story. So, he had no idea what prompted Sakura to rest the book in her lap and turn her head towards him with a smile. She asked him bluntly, nervousness laced throughout her voice, “Do you want to move in with me?”

Kakashi looked at her taken aback, his heart skipping a beat. He dumbly repeated, “You want me to move in with you?”

Sakura laughed, watching him as she bit back a smile. “Yes.”

Kakashi glanced away from her beautiful eyes to the apartment around her. He couldn’t fight his grin when he looked back to her. His heart was erratic in his chest. “What if we got a house instead?”

Sakura’s eyes widened as did her smile and she turned in his lap to face him better, straddling his waist. “Really?”

Kakashi chuckled with a nod. Sakura threw her arms around him and kissed him. He let her kiss him into the cushions for a moment and then broke away to tell her, “I don’t know why you’re so excited. I practically live with you now.”

Her smile was warm, and her eyes filled with affection. “A house is _different_ , and you know it is.”

He sighed with a smile, meeting her eyes as he brought a hand up to hold her face. “Yeah, it is. But I think I want to do that with you.”

***

“Kakashi-sama!” The man looked up at him and grinned as soon as he walked into the office. “What can I do for you?”

Kakashi smiled at him and waved a hand. “Mah, I’m not here on Hokage business, you can drop the sama.”

The man chuckled and shrugged. “If you wish, Hatake-san.” He bowed his head. “Kujo Koichi.”

Kakashi felt his smile become more genuine, most people wouldn’t bother. He stepped closer to his desk. “I was hoping you would have some time to show me some houses this week.”

Kujo looked at him confused. “Houses? Are you not living at the Hokage Residence?”

Kakashi shook his head. “No, I’ve been staying with my girlfriend. But the apartment is a little small. I thought – “

Kujo stood up with an eager grin. “I understand, Hatake-san! We will find the best house for you and the misses.”

Kakashi started awkwardly, “I mean she’s not really the – “

He went unheard in the man’s excitement. Kakashi supposed it wasn’t every day the Hokage walked in and offered business. He found the older man’s excitement a little endearing, though.

“I have time tomorrow afternoon if that works for you two?” He looked down at a planner on his desk.

Kakashi nodded. “I have time tomorrow after three. It will just be me for now. I’d rather narrow the choices down before I drag her into it.”

***

Kakashi had slipped out of the office under the guise of a meeting he’d gotten called into. Sakura looked at him confused and then down at the small notebook she kept on her desk. “What meeting? I don’t have – “

Kakashi interrupted her with a kiss. “I forgot to tell you about it. It’ll probably take the rest of the day. I’ll see you at home.”

Sakura gave him a suspicious look, but her smile was amused as she let him go. “Okay, Kakashi.”

Kujo was showing him the fifth house of the day when he finally broached the topic. “Hatake-san, you can tell me if I’m being rude, but I am wondering about the Hatake Estate?”

Kakashi should’ve expected the question and his eyes lingered longer than necessary on the entrance way to the kitchen. He sighed. “I haven’t lived there since I was child. It… doesn’t have the best memories attached to it.”

“I understand.” Kujo nodded and continued showing him the rest of the house.

It wasn’t until they were parting ways later that he told him, “I cannot begin to imagine what you must feel about your childhood home, Hatake-san, and I won’t mention it again. But I wanted to remind you that there is always the possibility of making new memories. We don’t have to share our homes with ghosts if we don’t want to.”

Kakashi could only nod, not knowing how to respond. Kujo didn’t push and clapped him on the shoulder. “Talk it over with the misses and let me know when you want to show her the houses you liked.”

Kakashi chuckled and didn’t bother to correct him. “Thank you for your time, Kujo-san.”

***

Sakura waited until he was vulnerable and sleepy with her laying on top of him before she asked with a cat-like grin, “So, where did you _really_ go today?”

“To see my mistress,” he replied with a yawn. He stretched out beneath her and closed his eyes. “She’s missed me, really wore me out.”

Sakura laughed and hit him on the shoulder. “ _Kakashi_!”

“Mah, you know you’re it for me.” He chuckled and opened his eyes, squeezing her hip. “Do you want to come with me to look at houses next week?”

Sakura’s smile softened and she raised an eyebrow, biting her lip. “Is that where you went today?”

He nodded. “I wanted to look first before showing you.”

Sakura leaned forward to kiss him sweetly on the lips and asked excitedly, “When can we go?”

***

Kakashi appreciated how intuitive Kujo was and how he didn’t say anything outright when they stepped on to the property.

Sakura practically swooned, her hand still tucked into his elbow as he kept his in his pockets while they walked. “Oh, Kakashi, this place is beautiful.”

It was bittersweet how he’d expected her to react this way. His chest felt tight when he looked over at the house. “It needs a lot of work.”

Kujo added as he walked with them, “Some of the buildings’ infrastructure has rotted over time. Some even may need to be torn down completely.”

Sakura nodded and told him kindly, “If you could still show me the safe buildings, I’d appreciate it.”

“Of course, Haruno-san.”

He walked a little ahead of them, checking the papers on his clipboard to see where they could go. Sakura leaned into Kakashi and told him quietly, “Kakashi, this property is _a lot_ bigger than the others.”

Kakashi shrugged and said, “It’s not expensive if that’s what you’re worried about. The buildings are falling apart. Anyone who buys it will have to work on it before they move in.”

Sakura hummed and they followed Kujo into the house. Kakashi lingered back after Sakura left his arm and she went over to Kujo to ask him questions, looking around the house with bright eyes. Kakashi glanced around himself, thinking about the last time he was here. How he had gotten sick of ghosts walking the halls and left in the middle of the night to go stay at Gai’s, then gotten an apartment the following morning.

Despite everything, he hadn’t had the heart to sell it, even though he made no effort to upkeep it, not even bothering to hire someone to take care of it. It might bite him in the ass in a minute.

When Sakura wondered back into the living room, he heard her ask the question, “What about the back shed? Is that one safe to go into?”

Kakashi answered before Kujo could, meting the man’s eyes, “No, that one will have to be torn down. Isn’t that what you told me, Kujo-san?”

Kujo nodded and looked at Sakura with a smile. “Yes, though there is a small guest house that is safe to go into if you’d like to see that one, Haruno-san?”

Sakura glanced at Kakashi curiously but nodded. “Yes, please.” She held her hand out for Kakashi and he stepped across the living room to her. She interlaced their fingers together before leading him out the backdoor after Kujo.

Kakashi was quiet as they walked through the other house, his thoughts a jumbled mess in his head. Sakura noticed, leaning close to him and catching his eye. “Kashi, are you alright?”

He smiled at her and kissed her cheek. “I’m fine, just distracted.”

She didn’t pry but smiled and squeezed his hand in comfort anyway.

They were back outside, Kujo showing Sakura where the property ended and doing his job, telling her what they could do with the land among other things. Sakura hummed in thought as she glanced around. “Was this place abandoned?”

Kujo glanced at Kakashi from behind her and Kakashi told her, fighting back a laugh, “Yeah, it was.”

Sakura nodded and then looked to him. “What do you think, Kakashi?”

He’d saved it for last, they didn’t have any more houses to look at. He let out a breath and said with a shrug, “I’m fine with any of the houses, Sakura.”

She laughed and raised an eyebrow. “You’re just going to leave it up to me?”

He sighed and looked around them, his chest felt tight, but it wasn’t nearly as bad as when he was a child. “You like this one, don’t you?”

Sakura bit her lip and stepped closer to him, wrapping her arm around his. “I know it’ll take a lot of work but…”

He glanced down at her. “But?”

She smiled; her eyes warmer than the sun beating down on them and shrugged. “I think I’m in love.”

Kakashi snorted, something light dancing in his chest. He shook his head. “It is so _you_ to fall in love with something old and broken like this.”

Sakura laughed and hit him on the chest. “I think with a bit of love and some hard work, it can be something beautiful.” She tugged on his arm. “But what do you think, Kakashi? I want you to be happy with wherever we go.”

Kakashi sighed and looked over at the house. “If you want us to move into the Hatake Estate, we can.”

He felt her still next to him and looked back to her to see wide eyes and parted lips. “The _Hatake_ Estate? Kakashi, is this – “

“Yes, this is where I grew up.”

Sakura looked out over the property like she was seeing it in a new light. She shook her head. “No, Kakashi, forget what I said. We don’t have to live here.”

“It’s okay.” Kakashi caught her eyes and smiled. “Really, Sakura. I wouldn’t have shown it to you if I wasn’t okay with it.”

Sakura’s eyebrows furrowed as she looked at him. “Are you sure? Kakashi, I don’t want you to do this for me if it’s going to upset you in the future.”

He shrugged. “It’ll be like a whole new place after everything we do to it. Besides, I haven’t been here in over twenty years. I’ll be okay, Sakura. We’ll make new memories.”

Sakura stared at him for a minute, searching his eyes and then smiled. Kakashi felt his heart warm as her smile grew. “Then, my vote is for this one.”

Kakashi chuckled and wrapped an arm around her waist. He looked over at Kujo, who had politely pretended to not listen to their conversation. “Well, Kujo-san, looks like I won’t be buying a house from you.”

Kujo chuckled and waved a hand. His eyes were soft and kind as he looked at them. “Oh, don’t worry about it, Hatake-san. I’m happy you found a home.”

“I will still pay you for your time, though.”

Kujo shook his head and Kakashi told him, “I insist.”

Sakura laughed lightly and added, “He can be quite stubborn. I’d just give in.”

Kujo chuckled and scratched the back of his head. “Well, thank you both, then.”

***

“Kakashi-senpai, this foundation is horrible!”

Kakashi chuckled and walked over to Tenzou who had his palm against the house like he was some kind of house whisperer. “Do you think you can fix it?” He looked at the house and then over at Sakura who was talking to Sai about paint colors, even though it was too early for that. “I would actually like to not have to tear down the main house.”

Tenzou sighed and took a step back. “Give me a moment.”

Kakashi watched him do the hand signs and then, the house shook a second later. Sakura’s head whipped over at the sound, but her shoulders relaxed at seeing Tenzou and went back to her conversation with Sai. Tenzou turned to him minutes later with a sweat on his brow and satisfied smile. “Should be a lot better now. Do you want me to do the same to the guest house?”

Kakashi glanced over at it. He couldn’t imagine him and Sakura ever needing a guest house. He shrugged and looked back to Tenzou. “Maybe later. Let’s just focus on the main house first.”

Tenzou nodded and then pointed over at the shed. “What about the weapons shed?”

Kakashi shook his head. “No, I want the shed torn down. There’s plenty of rooms in the house for storage and besides, Sakura and I don’t even use a lot of weapons in combat.”

Tenzou didn’t question it but Kakashi knew he was smart enough to guess.

They walked through the house next, making a list of things that would need to be fixed. Kakashi appreciated how everyone who was free seemed to want to help. Yamato and Sai had been there since the early morning, helping him and Sakura clean up the overgrown yard. He was sure whenever Naruto got back from his mission, he would try to fast track the project with all his shadow clones.

Kakashi leaned against the wall to the master bath and sighed. “Might be best to just rip out the whole thing, don’t you think? I mean it’s been sitting here twenty years.”

Tenzou nodded and glanced into the room. He commented quietly after a moment, glancing outside the window to see Sakura and Sai still talking, “You know, I never really pictured you as the family man, Kakashi-senpai.”

Kakashi slipped his hands in his pockets. “I’m not.”

Tenzou shrugged and gave him a lopsided grin. “Well, I never pictured you as the _marrying_ type either.”

Kakashi rolled his eyes. “No one said anything about getting married, Tenzou.”

Tenzou raised an eyebrow at him, whether it was to say _it’s only a matter of time_ or _this might as well be married for you_ , he didn’t know. But Kakashi supposed he had a point and shrugged a shoulder, his eyes going to the loose tile near the floor.

“We’ll have to find some use for the extra rooms. We don’t really have a need for any of them outside of ours and a guest room.” Kakashi sighed and added after a moment, “Sakura and I… aren’t suited to be parents after… everything.”

Tenzou nodded, then offered him an apologetic smile for even bringing it up. Kakashi shook his head, shrugging off the unspoken apology.

Tenzou looked over at the wall across from them and stepped towards it. He put a hand against it and Kakashi didn’t know what he was looking for but then he looked to him and said, “Your master bath is pretty small. We could knock down this wall and expand it?”

Kakashi chuckled and was about to reply when Sakura stepped into the room behind him. She grabbed his arm with an excited smile. “Oh, that sounds like a great idea! What do you think?”

“Sure,” he agreed easily, sending a thankful smile to Tenzou.

***

Sakura was in a good mood the following days and Kakashi felt both warmed and terrified by it. It brought a smile to his face to see her laughing with that light in her eyes. But he also never wanted to be someone’s source of happiness. He didn’t think he was cut out for someone to depend on him like that.

He wanted to try, though, so he worked through it.

_For her._

“You know it will be _weeks_ before we can even start moving furniture in,” he told her with a chuckle when he noticed her humming under her breath as she worked through some paperwork.

She shrugged, glancing at him with a smile. “I know.”

Kakashi got up from his desk and walked over to her to stand behind her chair. He put his hands on her shoulders and leaned down to kiss her cheek. “You’re a lot more excited to move in with me than I thought you would be.”

Sakura turned her head to give him a quick kiss on his lips, her eyes sparkling when they met his. “I am but I’ve also never lived in a house before.”

Kakashi raised an eyebrow at her and Sakura shrugged a shoulder looking down at the papers in front of her. “My parents weren’t the richest civilians, we always stayed in apartments.”

“Well, I’m honored to be your first.”

Sakura snorted but looked back to him and brought a hand up to drag him down for a kiss. 

***

Sakura had gotten a hold of one of those _Greater Homes_ magazines and had started circling things she liked in it with a marker. Kakashi liked to sigh and lament that she was driving him crazy to make her laugh, but he was enjoying how excited she was.

She was laying in his arms on the couch when she tapped his arm. “You know what would be nice?”

“Hm?” Kakashi smiled, looking at her adoringly.

“One of those western bathtubs.” She gestured with her hands, making a shape that made no sense to him. “You know, they have like claws or something – “

“Claws?”

“Something like that. I know it sounds silly, but they’re really pretty.” She laughed and leaned back into him. “I saw one once on a mission. They look so comfortable.” She turned to give him a mischievous smile, her fingers playing with the edges of his mask. “They’re also usually big enough for _two_.”

“Oh?” He chuckled, his hand trailing down to her hip as she pulled down his mask.

“Mmhm.” She kissed his lips before moving on to his jaw. Kakashi leaned his head back as she started to trail kiss across his skin. “A warm bath, maybe some candles, you can wash my hair...”

Kakashi felt a laugh at the last one and mumbled, “Mah, that does sound nice.”

***

The sun was setting behind them, the warm light seeping in through the windows to paint across the floor.

Sakura had a soft smile as she poked the new floor with her toes. She chuckled and looked to Kakashi, a little intimidated. “We barely have any furniture between us. Our house is going to be so barren.”

Kakashi shrugged and stepped behind her to wrap his arms around her middle. She sighed contently and leaned back against him, her hands covering his. He pressed a kiss into her hair.

“We’ll make it work.”

***

Kakashi had to admit the quiet air of the house was nice to wake up to. The house was on the edge of the village, not far from other houses but not quite close either. Sakura had a bad habit of forgetting to close the curtains to their bedroom window. While his instincts hated the idea of someone being able to see in while they were sleeping, he liked the way the sun woke him up in the morning, his back warm.

It was the same house he’d grown up in, the same one both his parents had died in. But it felt _different_. Maybe it was the passing of time or finally forgiving his father. Maybe it was how much they’d done to the house; how it simply looked different with new floors, knocked down walls, and fresh paint.

_Maybe it was just that he was here with Sakura now._

He still felt like there were ghosts sometimes. Sakura and Ino had made a garden where the shed used to be and even with the area completely changed, he still felt odd going over there like he could imagine the blood trail if he thought enough about it. With each week he passed by it though, the thought idea lingered less. Then, he didn’t think about it at all when Sakura dragged him over there to show him the sunflowers were blooming.

The night air was nostalgic in a way he wasn’t sure he was comfortable with. He used to sit on the back porch a lot as kid and that hadn’t changed much apparently. Tenzou had made them a swing as a house warming gift once they moved in and he liked to lay on it in the evening with a book. Sakura started to join him, sometimes reading herself or simply laying there with her feet propped up in his lap as he gently rocked them. But he didn’t crave that escape he did when he was younger. The house didn’t feel cold when he went back inside it.

They were making new memories.


	4. Jagged Lines

Kakashi told her as they were cooking dinner, “I’m thinking about asking Naruto to take over soon.”

Sakura looked over at him with a smile, strands of her hair slipping out of her ponytail. He could make out the concealed excitement in her voice. “Really?”

He nodded and asked her with a hint of anxiety, “What do you think?”

She shrugged, not able to stop her smile as she turned back to the stove. “I think he’s ready if you do.”

Kakashi sighed in relief and stepped over to her, his hands going to her hips as he kissed down her neck. Sakura laughed and hit him in the shoulder. “You’re going to make me burn this.”

Kakashi laughed and kissed her cheek before snaking his arms around her waist to hold her. “What do you think you’ll do?”

Sakura glanced at him confused, her mind having already gone back to cooking. “About what?”

“After Naruto takes over. Unless you want to fight with Shikamaru over the position – “

She laughed and shook her head. “No, you and I are getting the hell out of there and never looking back. You’re the only reason I ever took that position and that hasn’t changed.” She turned the burner off and Kakashi let her go to get some plates. “I don’t know. Go back on the mission roster, probably pick up a position as medic at the hospital.”

He handed her a plate. “You don’t want to try for something higher up?”

She paused as she took it and then chuckled, sending him a small smile. “No, I guess I don’t.”

Kakashi smiled back and then sighed, “You know I feel like they’re never going to give me missions above a C-rank.”

Sakura looked at him sympathetically as they turned to the table to have dinner. “They’ll probably have no idea what to give you. I don’t think we’ve had a Hokage go back to the mission roster after a turn over.”

Kakashi snorted. “Yeah, because they all die.”

Sakura kicked him in the leg under the table. “Or _retire_.”

Kakashi took a bite of his food and waved his chopsticks. “Well, I’m not doing that either. What the hell would I even do retired? Sounds like another word for death sentence to me.”

Sakura chuckled and hooked a foot around his ankle. “I don’t know, Kakashi. I wouldn’t know what to do either.”

***

Kakashi didn’t bolt up like Sakura did, but she felt him wake up all the same. His heart was racing, and his breathing felt shallow as he pinched the spot between his eyes. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to gain some control over his breathing.

He realized it was because of how he’d tightened his arm around her, his fingers digging into her hip. He forced himself to loosen his grip as she raised her head on his chest. “Kakashi?”

Kakashi opened his eyes to see her worried ones. He offered her a shaky smile and rubbed at her hip apologetically. He moved out from under her, reaching for his pants on the floor and slipping them on. “I’ll be back.”

She didn’t call after him and Kakashi vaguely heard her getting out of the bed as he left the room. The house felt suffocating and he stepped out onto the back porch, breathing in the night air. There was still that hint of rain in the air, puddles across the yard. The breeze was cold against his bare chest and he was thankful again for moving out here when he realized he hadn’t even grabbed his mask.

He sat down on the steps of the porch, resting his elbows on his knees as he leaned his forehead in his hand. The step he was sitting on was slightly wet from the earlier rain, but Kakashi barely noticed.

He heard the backdoor open a moment later but didn’t turn around. Sakura quietly came up behind him and settled on the step above him. Her legs bracketed him, his eyes catching the chipped purple nail polish of her toes in his line of sight. She leaned forward and wrapped her arms around him, then rested her cheek against his back.

Kakashi pressed back into her almost subconsciously and she told him in a soft voice after a few minutes, “You’re not there anymore, Kashi. Wherever it took you, you’re not there. You’re here, with me, on these steps to our house.”

Kakashi laughed breathlessly, then reached to one of the hands holding him and brought it up to his mouth to kiss her palm. His throat was tight, and his eyes burned as he lowered their hands to his knee. He interlaced their fingers as he swallowed thickly.

He focused on Sakura’s thumb as she stroked it soothingly back and forth across his skin, on the warmth at his back, how tightly he was being held, on the chipped nail polish. It felt like hours until his breathing went back to normal, but the moon had barely moved in the sky above them. He relaxed into her hold and stretched out his legs, his toes curling into the soft ground.

He smiled and said quietly, “I see what you mean about wanting to sink into the grass.”

Sakura laughed and squeezed him. Her voice sounded thick when she replied, “I got you, Kakashi. I’ve always got you.”

Kakashi nodded and brought their joined hands up to kiss her skin. They stayed out there until morning, barely saying any words. Sakura hummed some unknown song into his skin and her voice was so comforting. The sound of her warm and inviting, like crickets chirping in the dark grass or flames crackling in a fireplace.

***

Kakashi leaned against the couch as he watched Sakura sharpen and polish their blades. Her hair was pulled up messily, polish smeared on her shirt and under her nails. She’d laid out a towel across the coffee table, but he could already see two spots where she’d gotten it on the couch. She was surprisingly meticulous about it, despite how messy she was.

He cleared his throat. “Sweetheart?”

Sakura glanced at him and then went back to the kunai in her hand. “Hm?”

“Did you turn one of the rooms into a…” He tried to think of an appropriate word and held back a laugh. “A puppy play room?”

A blush rose on her cheeks as she sharpened the blade with a block. “It’s for the pack.”

Kakashi’s chest filled with warmth and he sat down on the armrest beside her. “You know they mainly stay in their own realm outside of missions.”

She shrugged. “Well, whenever they _are_ here for you know for – _whatever reason_ – they now have some place to go.”

“Sakura, you bought chew toys.”

She huffed and waved her hands, kunai and all, then looked at him. “Well, they are _dogs_ , Kakashi!”

Kakashi chuckled and agreed, “They are. I’m sure they’ll love them.”

Sakura pouted as she put the kunai down and reached for a katana. Kakashi moved to sit closer to her and bumped her shoulder. “Is there… something you want to tell me?”

She shrugged. “Well… _would_ they be interested in hanging around here more if they’re not busy?”

“Sakura.”

She groaned and turned to look at him, carefully angling the katana away from him. “Do you have _any_ idea how much time we’ve spent together over the last two years?”

Kakashi hadn’t expected that and raised his eyebrows at her, answering unsurely, “A lot?”

Sakura sighed. “I didn’t expect to get so lonely with you gone on a mission. The hospital wouldn’t let me pick up any extra shifts. My old student is a hard ass and didn’t want me to _overwork_ myself.”

Kakashi felt his heart clench and wrapped an arm around her. “We’ll adjust to it with time, Sakura. Why didn’t you try and hang out with Ino or Sai?”

“I did and it was fine until I got home.” She leaned back into the couch and Kakashi pulled her closer. “I went out shopping and passed by one of those pet stores.” She sighed and chuckled. “I got to thinking of the pack and… may have gone a little overboard.”

“Mah, I’m sure they won’t mind.” Kakashi squeezed her hip and then said, “Let’s give them a day to rest since we only just got back. Then, we can ask them what they think.”

Sakura brightened and looked up at him. “Really?”

Kakashi laughed. “I’ve a feeling about what they might say. Especially considering how many treats you always give them when you see them.”

Kakashi grew up with the pack so it wasn’t odd for them to be around so much. They were family he’d always had. It was another thing that made him feel oddly reminiscent in this house, since they’d spent a lot of time with him after his father died. But like so many other things, it was so much better and Sakura was the reason.

They mourned their new flooring quietly in the back of their minds, but it was nice to hear them padding around the house.

***

Kakashi felt something like dread coat the lining of his stomach when his mug cracked. He stared at it blankly for a second before Gai chuckled and clapped him on the shoulder. “Ah, don’t worry about it, Kakashi!” He turned and called over a waitress to bring him another cup, shaking Kakashi’s shoulder lightly.

Kakashi nodded and tried to shrug it off when the waitress came by with another mug. He didn’t touch his tea the rest of lunch, leaning into a conversation with Gai to distract him. He hoped Sakura would come home from her mission soon. He was starting to understand the extent of how she had felt with him gone, the house felt far too big even with the pack there now.

They were walking down the street afterwards, heading towards a training ground for a spar when they heard the commotion from a street over; panic filled the air as voices raised. Kakashi couldn’t make out what they were saying but his heart had already begun to race when a panicked chunnin turned the corner.

He thought about the broken mug and the man’s eyes landed on him.

_No. Please run past me._

The man headed straight towards him. “Kakashi-sama! I’ve been looking for you.”

Kakashi felt his pulse race faster and wasn’t even aware of the strong grip Gai had on his shoulder. The chunnin stopped in front of him and Kakashi somehow found his voice – _years of being a shinobi, he supposed, fight through the panic_. “What is it?”

“The hospital sent me – “

Kakashi felt his stomach drop, his foot took a step forward ready to bolt. “Is she – ?” He couldn’t get the word out and tried again. “Is she – “

The chunnin shook his head, taking pity on him. His next words weren’t very comforting, though. “Not yet.”

Kakashi didn’t even remember the seconds between then and him running through the hospital doors.

***

“A lot of blood loss? Set up some transfusions already! Close up the wounds!”

“She’s going into shock – “

“Hold her down!”

“ _Sakura-sama_ , please – “

“We need – “

“The best medic is _on_ the table, we have to – “

“We’re losing _time_!”

Voices filled his ears and Kakashi couldn’t focus on any of them as they drifted through the doors in front of him. They swung open almost every second, another medic running through. Kakashi was cemented to the waiting bench outside of the operating room, had been since a medic pushed him down there and told him to stay put. Kakashi hadn’t had a panic attack since he was a child, but he was vaguely aware that’s what was happening as a medic tried to calm him down.

He felt like he was on the verge of another one as more voices slipped through the cracks. _Shouldn’t this be a little more soundproof?_ His eyes were glued to the doors, catching glimpses of a bloody operating table and strands of pink whenever the door opened. It ripped at him every single time and Gai eventually turned his head away for him.

He didn’t know when he had gotten there – _if he’d been there the whole time_ – but his steady hand on his back felt like the only reminder that he needed to breathe. He leaned his elbows on his knees and dug his fingers into his hair as he stared at the white tile below his sandals.

Gai’s voice was strong but soft and it felt louder than any of the other rushed voices. “Kakashi, you need to have faith.”

Something was stuck in his throat and he breathed out, “I’ve _never_ had – “

“In her.”

Kakashi’s eyes stung and he forced a nod. He could do that. He could try to do that. He had to.

There wasn’t anything else for him to do.

***

A man stepped out of the room and Kakashi noticed it was different from how slow his step was against the tile. He picked his head up and the medic met his eyes. “Kakashi-sama?”

Kakashi stood up, his head light. “Is she – “

He held up a hand and offered a gentle smile. “She’s stable.”

Kakashi let out a breath of relief that felt like it’d knock him off his feet. The medic eyed him and raised his hand to only drop it back to his side. He probably thought better than to reach out to him with the love of his life’s blood still stained on his gloves.

Gai’s hand was on his shoulder again and the man had never felt more like a rock.

The medic glanced at him and must’ve decided Gai was capable of catching Kakashi if he fell. He turned back to Kakashi and said, “She’s stable for now. We’ll keep a close watch on her for the next few days, but we’re expecting a full recovery.”

Kakashi felt like dropping to his knees and thanking the gods above him like some character in one of those dramas he liked to watch. But he managed to remain steady on his feet and nodded at the medic, who actually deserved the thanks. “Thank you.”

He nodded back and Kakashi asked because his tongue itched for it even though he knew the answer, “Can I see her?”

He shook his head, his eyes apologetic. “I’m sorry, Kakashi-sama. Jotaro-san will come talk to you shortly and he’ll be able to tell you when you can. I just thought you should know the surgery was a success. They’re still prepping her for recovery.”

Kakashi sighed. “I understand. Thank you for telling me.”

The medic nodded and then slipped back into the room; the voices still strained but calmer when they slipped out. He glanced at Gai who shook his shoulder with a wide smile. He’d visibly relaxed though Kakashi hadn’t even realized he’d been that tense. “She’s going to be okay, Kakashi.”

“Yeah.” Kakashi felt a laugh escape his lips and he leaned his head back towards the ceiling. “Yeah, she is.”

***

Jotaro came out nearly an hour later and gave Kakashi a tired smile. He was younger than Sakura but in all the years Kakashi had known him, he’d had the personality of an old man; quiet, reclusive, kind. He suited the role of director well.

“Kakashi-sama, Sakura-sama is about to be moved to a private room for recovery.”

Kakashi felt his own tired smile. “Thank you, Jotaro-san. Can I stay with her once she’s settled in?”

Jotaro nodded and stepped closer to him, gesturing to the bench and Kakashi sat down with him while Gai leaned against the wall beside them. Jotaro massaged the back of his neck and Kakashi asked him, because he must be a masochist, “How bad was it?”

Jotaro hesitated before telling him, “She flatlined. I barely managed to get her heart pumping again. But I kept trying and she came back. Sakura-sama’s always been stubborn, even when she’s dying. I think a part of her was refusing to die, she just needed a little help.” He looked off to the side and mumbled, “She’s the strongest person I’ll ever know.”

Kakashi breath caught in his chest and he nodded numbly. Jotaro sighed and shrugged. “But she’s fine now, Kakashi-sama. That’s what really matters. No need to focus on the past.”

Kakashi chuckled humorlessly with a shake of his head, like he’d ever been able to _not_ focus on the past. Jotaro continued, almost as if to just keep talking, probably regretting answering honestly. “The medics did well, though they’re all pretty worn out after that and I don’t think it has anything to do with the how difficult the surgery was. There’s something to say about having your sensei’s life in your hands, can’t say I’m unaffected either.”

“I’m sure you can start a club with Sakura whenever she wakes up. I’ve put her through it enough. She can tell you how to deal with it.” Kakashi sighed, a familiar guilt coating his rib cage.

Jotaro laughed lightly and then patted his knee before standing up. “I’ll have someone come let you know when you can see her.”

***

Kakashi didn’t think he’d ever used the Hokage card before – even when he _was_ Hokage – but he was ready to if someone tried to get him to leave after visiting hours. No one did, though. Not that it mattered, he would’ve slipped back inside anyway. 

Sakura woke up hours later. She was groggy and Kakashi caught her eyes moving under her eyelids before she even opened them. She looked around confused and Kakashi had to force himself to remain in his chair by her bed, so he didn’t overwhelm her. When her eyes landed on him, his name fell from her lips like he was the only thing she was sure of, her voice small and throat dry. “Kashi?”

Her eyebrows furrowed and he watched as her eyes became more focused. Her mind started to catch up with her and she reached a hand out to him. “How…?”

Kakashi grabbed her hand and got up from his chair to sit at the edge of her bed. His chest was tight as he looked at her, but that wave of relief was still washing through him. “You thought you died, didn’t you?”

Sakura gave a weak nod and glanced down at herself before her eyes went back to him. “How’s my team?”

Kakashi had honestly not cared enough to ask, his thoughts only focused on her. He didn’t even know who was on her mission or what it had been about. A small amount of guilt settled on his tongue as he told her, “I don’t know.”

Sakura moved to sit up and then grabbed her side as a cry left her mouth. Kakashi gently pushed her back down by her shoulder and she listened, trying to breathe through the pain as she laid back. “I’d like to know, Kakashi. Please.”

Kakashi squeezed her hand and nodded. “I’ll find out.” He should’ve thought to ask, knowing it would be one of her first thoughts. He would find out for her, but not right now. He didn’t think she could talk him into leaving the room right now even if she tried.

Sakura sighed and gave him a small smile. She let out a breath and then bit her lip, her eyes leaving him as they glossed over. Kakashi felt worry grip him and he put a gentle hand on her shoulder. “What is it? Are you in pain?”

She shook her head and asked, her voice strained and barely a whisper, “I scared you, didn’t I?” Kakashi swallowed thickly and she looked back to him. His face must’ve been answer enough as tears built up in her eyes. Her other hand reached out for his arm and she tugged on him. “Kashi, I’m so sorry.”

Kakashi let her pull him down to her, careful to not put a lot of weight on her despite how tightly she gripped him. “I’ve never wanted to do that to you.” She bit back a sob as her fingers moved to his hair, his face buried in the crook of her neck. She repeated apologies and pressed kisses into his hair. Kakashi tried to soothe her, pulling back enough to kiss her on the lips, his hands holding her face. “You’re okay, Sakura. You’re right here with me, alive and well. It’s over.”

Sakura nodded and brought him back down to her for a kiss. Tears tracked her cheeks and she didn’t comment on Kakashi’s red rimmed eyes.

***

He’d gotten her one of those bathtubs she wanted. It had been annoyingly difficult to find but he had and took the opportunity to pamper her once she was out of the hospital. She laid back against his chest, making herself comfortable between his legs in the warm water.

He kissed her hair as he lovingly lathered her body. Sakura sighed contently and turned her head to kiss his jaw. As he moved down her torso, his fingers grazed the scar there and he felt his heart stutter. Sakura stilled in his arms and his thumb traced the jagged line that started by her left breast and down to her hip. His chest was unbearably tight, and he dropped his head to her shoulder. He breathed out a plea, words that had haunted him on that hospital bench.

“Don’t ever go where I can’t follow, Sakura.”

Sakura’s throat moved and she placed a hand over his, her fingers slipping in between his and pressing his hand into her side. Her voice was just as quiet, just as thick.

“I’ll always try not to, Kakashi.”


	5. Pink

Sakura would ask him later if he’d somehow planned it to be there, but he hadn’t.

As a favor to Naruto, he’d gone on a diplomatic mission to Iwagakure. It had been a long mission and as pointless as he remembered them being. But Sakura had come with him, so he hadn’t minded too much. They were on their way back, travelling through the forest and away from the road. They were about to drop down to the road, since they were close enough to Konoha to not worry about any bandits, when Sakura grabbed his arm.

She had a smile on her face and tugged on him. He followed her to the ground, and she walked over to the edge of the cliff. “Hey, isn’t this the same cliff from that night?”

Kakashi chuckled and stepped closer to her. “I think so. Wouldn’t you know? Seemed like you’d been there before.”

Sakura shrugged and leaned against a tree. “I had just stumbled upon it as I was walking.” Her eyes were on the sky like so many nights ago and Kakashi felt it before she even added, “I think it’s the same one.”

He wrapped an arm around her and kissed her cheek. “I think so.”

Sakura glanced at him with a warm smile and he asked her, “Why don’t we rest here before going home?”

She nodded and Kakashi pulled her down with him to the ground. He leaned back with one hand on the ground behind her as she sat close to him. They were quiet for a while, just listening to the birds moving in the trees and watching the sun go down.

At some point, Sakura turned towards him and pulled down his mask. She didn’t say anything, her eyes roaming over his face with a look of adoration before meeting his eyes. He couldn’t take his eyes off her, wanting to sink into the green of her eyes, the curve of her smile. She didn’t even need to say it. He could feel that she loved him just from the way she looked at him.

His lips formed the words easily, any previous ideas falling to lay in the dirt.

“Sakura, how would you feel about me calling you my wife?”

Emotion clouded her eyes and her loving fingers held his face. She nodded a fraction as she answered breathlessly, “I think I would love that quite a bit, Kakashi.” She laughed lightly, the wind carrying the sound as it flew by.

Kakashi’s hand moved to the back of her head as he looked at her, his heart heavy in his chest. He carded his fingers through her hair and brought her face closer. Before kissing her, he told her, “Your ring is back home. I hid it somewhere.”

“Where?” She asked against his lips, kissing him softly.

“An Icha Icha novel.”

Her laugh was contagious and Kakashi smiled into the kiss.


End file.
